~Dear Mama~

Dear mama... i know at times i aint been the best.. but thru it all i thank you for every single breath.. every single step i make is cause of you.. youd always make me happy even if i was blue. never really had a pappy but ive always had you. you made sure dinner was always on the table and we always had lights but maybe not cable.. you would go to hell and back just to make ends meet.. and even though i didnt like it made me keep my room neat. you always had a seat at any of my plays never missed a big event of mines even to his day.. and still i cant express how much love i got for you... how much respect dang how can it be true that i got landed with the best mom in the world. and dont worry mom ur forever my #1 girl.. it makes my head whirl when i hear the things u did just to keep me safe i thank god that im your kid.. every graduation heard you screaming out my name ....the world keeps changing but you always stay the same..put ur kids first no matter how much it hurts. taught me to do the right thing even if no ones looking... just cause its the right thing too do kept me in the books and.. look where it led me.. only 15 but still doing big college things.. i wanted to take some time to appreciate... what youve done but i cant captivate ...all you did went thru all the drama.... so heres to you from your loving son.. dear mama

To my uncle josh... my life before him

thoughts flowin pen holdin, spillin feelings on paper ,not knowin the way of going, no one showin, no favors, feeling all alone in this world thats so gone, knowing youve been postponed like a bomb thats been blown.. thrown away like its nuthin,when u know that ur somethin, everyones always frontin, being phony and fake, you hold it all inside knowin one day youll break. hatred and sadess fill u up and u need help for gods sake... u cant turn to god cause you really dont know him, awkwardness comes to you cause u feel u disowned him,love and worship is something youve never shown him. and you dont know how to talk cause it aint like u can phone him.. so now u saying fuck the world u dont need no one else.negative thoughts come to you just keep em yourself you can never let no one know how u felt, cause they wont understand the pain and suffering uve been delt.

so now u sittin all alone thoughts kept deep inside, feelings of hate, madness, sadness come togheter, collide , you pretend your ok but they dont know that youve lied, they say they understand but didnt know this whole time. youve been tryin to talk but you didnt know how, you never wanted to talk but you cant help it now, the secret feelings you felt come bursting out, but when your bout to talk suddenly u get doubts
so who can u talk to, who can u trust, you dont know right now but tell somebody you must, so life comes along you get landed with him, you feel safe inside so secrets start pouring in, and to your suprise hes actually listenin and you find out hes been through the same predicaments. you guys get really close, you feel right next to him.. but even when u are hes still m-i-s-n... (josh's nickname)

Covers and masks

You cant judge a book by its cover
Because you’ve never opened it
and seen wats inside
its Just like you cant see whats under A mask
and what it has to hide
What’s inside this book
or beneath this mask
Is a story only the author can grasp
There’s too many varieties of genres and types
Too many to know them enough to judge by sight
What gives you the right?
To categorize some ones life
Everyone is their own person
you have to admit it
so don’t put them in types
cause not all can fit in
listen
stereotypes are not the right way to go
get to know the person
and a different side they’ll show
give room for doubt
never stomp the thought out
cause stereotyping is the wrong route
have knowledge not thoughts
and if ur judging me now then stop…

WHY?!??

14 already on the dope fiend trail.. believes in heaven cause shes living in hell. She had no dreams so she lets niggas get between so she can get what she needs. Her parents get her screened and shes positive for HIV. She feels dirty to the core, there's nothing to live for. She sinks to the floor the pain she cant ignore. No amount of drugs or alcohol could ease the pain. Suicides on her mind nothing refrains the thought at all. so the tears start to fall. To god she calls but there's nuthin but a wall. Shes lonely and scared nuthin could have prepared her for this. Even worse her period was missed. She cant remember the last dude she'd let in it. an Even graver predicament. Pregnant and ignorant.. Instead of respecting her body and living her life. Shes cursed and living her last nights. Virginity lost at 12 end of the story. Cause that’s when she entered purgatory. Young beautiful and independent. Great potential but her story's now ended. She died that night Took her own life. Parents couldn’t believe their eyes when they seen that sight. Over dosed so she never woke from her everlasting nightmare. Eyes were open in a blank stare. Made the parents hair stand on end. They couldn’t pretend anymore. They new what their daughter was doing but not what she had in store. So who was to blame. This question forever stained in my brain. Driving me insane. The parents could have intervened? She could have used a condom before they got between? And what about the person who made her a fiend? all are responsible but who holds the most blame. Or is it all the same. I guess ill never know… but know this tho. Don’t always stick with the flow. You never know where ull go. She was a 14 year old just tryna have fun. She didn’t know her clock had begun. Counting down her time on earth. And her baby was never birthed. Is this how life works, get fucked all the way thru then die. I guess so but my biggest question is.. WHY?

stressed... stressful point in my life

SO much on my mind i just cant recline mos def im stressed but it about that time. to let out some steam you you know what i mean... its kinda hard to dream when your lifes a nightmare ....a fight where ...your the underdog my mind is misty like a fog it clouds my thoughts and doesnt stop until im on my knees.. beggin please for help that wont come especially not from above i gets no love especially when i need it... my will power defeated and my conscience depleted...

i try to help and only make it worse./ this nothingness ive felt i cant seem disperse /in any way/so day to day i move forward but stay stuck/. in my bad luck/ but what can i really do./ glued /to the same place i started. no progress havent parted/ ways with my ways. both old and new its not good enough for you./ i try to change but stay the same/ cause this is what became/... of../ letting others choose for me/ and tell me what to do. but i dont want that and on the other hand dont want to lose you/. so im back to square one /stationary but want to run /back to what we had/ what we got aint perfect but definitely aint bad.. ups and downs and smiles frowns thru it all i gotta have my other half of my soul

stressed i must confess and as i sit and take each breath. i wonder am i slowly going under each time i respirate. i contemplate then have to stop because i cant go any further. the sadness take me over dnt want anything other then happiness a little bliss but cant achieve this without the struggle and all the hardships. i just wish that it would all go away i could blot it out then simply walk away. but its not that easy and i shouldnt be that lazy. but ive worked enough to get thru this life its crazy. im not complaining just taking a second to take it all in. i keep on straining and working but it seems im falling. into a deeper hole i cant seem to get out. and life's just time spent going south. cause back in the day innocence and ignorance was the way to go.

*Revival*

Been feeling like im on the edge.. like in a maze but i bust thru the hedge-es.. and i pledge this is the last day imma hold onto the past... last day im on a trip to crash. instead im behind my own wheel. steering my own life. and i know i will make it thru all the pain and the strife. cause i know i got real peeps that stand behind me.. friends and family steadily demanding me to progress and move forward.. toward success.. so im taking a breath,.. before i dive into deep water and this is just the start of.. the new me. see. the early VGP was to weak to survive but im changing and have revived my faith and inner sense... and in a sense have been reborn the storms inside are slowly receding.. my personal doubt slowly depleting.. and out of the cocoon comes confidence and im promising the old me is dead and gone thats why i wrote the song to explain my psalms and thats why i wrapped my palm around a pen to let my story bleed onto the page.. to prove i am a new man today!!!

complications.....

complications is complex confusin bringin stress to this already deep dark abyss. take a look in my eyes ull see the pain i live with all day in my brain as i strain to make it. i front like im fine but really im lyin cause really im dying dont know why im trying when i know im defeated cause when i needed u the most i got seated in your backseat. your the other half that completes me but this is how u treat me heartless sending mixed emotions weekly. so now you want me back and i should've known that u was just gonna take and play with my heart yeah thats a fact. but i gave u the benefit of the doubt i figured u might change but our relationship just went south just douse the flame. so now the argueing starts as it starts to get dark hurtful words hit they mark so i hit the door to embark on a new road i owe you everyting and nothing for the new person ive become feelings become numb drop everything and run cause im now im done. done with the pain and the sorrow so please dont follow ull just make it worse inside hollow dont hope for tomorrow it just wont work.

Oh so now ive hurt you? now u realized what youve done? sorry i cant believe you im not that dumb. i thought u were the one no regrets and while it lasted it was fun. we had something special and it got thrown away i didnt see this comin how did it get to this day. the person always on my mind use to be you but i cant think no more cause this person is new. do i know you anymore i dont think i got a clue. and to be honest i dont think i ever knew.